When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
