apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
