My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
