i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
