So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
