her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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