Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
