Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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