Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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