Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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