It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
