I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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