i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize