He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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