the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
