watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
