Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have aggressive nipples.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
