She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
