i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
