I want to make a zoo with you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
