I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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