An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
