She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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