when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize