do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
