this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
