we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
