sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
