i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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