And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
