I hate your face
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
