Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
