i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
