He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
