I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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