think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
