we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
