You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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