Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
