I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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