yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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