I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
