I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
