Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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