Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
