i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
