My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
