one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
