I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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