So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
