the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
