I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You smell like a Billy Joel song
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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