Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
