I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
