I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
