No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
