dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
