Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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