Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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