Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
