I want to have your abortion
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize