An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
