so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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