We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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