it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
