he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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