Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
