I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
