I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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