I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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