dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
