If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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