I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
