Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
