He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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