First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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